Ok ya know, I'm just gonna say it. Put it out there in the world. I LOVE awkwardness. I thrive off of the ability to make others stop and say "i'm sorry, but what the FUCK did you just say?!"
For example:
I was having an intimate moment with a casual lover the other weekend. This other person in question is like a cat in the sense that he lives to have his back scratched. So for some reason, I take it upon myself to throw this into the mix whilst scratching.
My awkward self: "Ya know, if you murdered me.."
(in)significant other: "What?! if i MURDERED you? What the hell are you talking about?"
Me realizing I've gone too far but i'm just gonna roll with it: "No, hear me out, I'm saying if you murdered me, CSI would catch you in a second because I probably have a lot of your skin cells underneath my fingernails"
Baffled male: "But why would I murder you?!"
Me, thinking this is a logical train of thought to have in an intimate moment: "I'm not saying you would, but ya know.. if you DID... you'd be caught. So I'd advise against it."
I never go into situations thinking OK, how can I make this creepy and awkward. Yet somehow I find myself speaking without a filter on many occassions and this is the kind of stuff that comes out. Another example:
I was sitting at the bar the other night and casually looking at a patch of skin on my chest. A stranger next to me (what I can only assume was a foolish guy considering hitting on me... exactly, a fool) asked me why I was rubbing my chest in a suggestive manner. I'm sure he was expecting some flirtatious answer. So instead I respond "Ah, man, I got this GNARLY patch of dry skin on my chest. It's like a piece of snake skin, LOOK!" At this point he took it upon himself to exit the conversation. Wise choice, bar patron. You don't want to get involved with this ball crazy.
So Gay and Grobo readers, consider yourselves warned. I think I can speak for Grobo when I say we're not all "there".
Warmest Regards,
Gay
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